is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
