Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
