I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
