your room smells of hookers.
And success
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
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Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
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i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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