He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
