I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
