nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
