You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
