I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
