so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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