I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
