I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
