bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
My ATM looks so different sober.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
