You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He did a backflip because drugs
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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