omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Randomize
