I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
