honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
her vagine was all disorganized.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
