Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize