someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
