I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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