I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
