I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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