youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
