Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
