I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
