the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
