Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I'm too high and old for this...
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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