So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
