i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
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I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
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