Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
