we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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