I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
