OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I want a musical about memes.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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