i may or may not be watching the land before time
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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