i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
