When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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