you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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