she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
