There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
