I wish I could punch you in the face.
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
