A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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