i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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