Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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