guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
