I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
