Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
