ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
