Where are you?
In a non slutty way
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
