I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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