Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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