In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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