Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
