Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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