I want to walk on stilts...naked
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
