Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
