I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
