Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
