My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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