I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Alive.
So much puke
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
