i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
