omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
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Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
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He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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