I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
This can only be settled by a dance off.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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