I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
