Don't make out with my wife yet
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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