My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
