I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
