I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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