the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
