I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
