It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
