I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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