i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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