did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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